"This team is cool and all, but Oklahoma City kind of sucks and everybody likes me. Yay Free Agency!"
"Hey remember us! We almost beat the Warriors. Please come back."
"Why is Ibaka in that picture? Didn't we trade him?"
"Better?"
"I guess. Kind of weird though."
"Hey KD! I'm on the Thunder now! I brought my own basketballs!"
"I like you Victor, but you look like a penis. Let me talk to the other teams."
"Come to LA! It's fun here. We could be the big 4!"
"That sounds cool, but won't you guys have to trade Griffin to afford me?"
"Wait, what?"
"Nothing Blake. Go get me a soda. (whispers) Yeah we'll get rid of him, don't worry."
"Then we'll just be the big 3. Plus, I think you're kind of a dick Chris. Next"
"Join us KD! We could win 75 games!"
"That sounds cool. Will I still get my touches?
"
"
"Totally. You can still score 25 a game. You just have to wear my shoes."
"Oh god. I'm out. Next."
"Come to Boston KD. The East blows! We could get to the Finals next year!"
"That sounds cool. It's pretty cold there though, and I've heard Boston fans are rough."
"Nah, that's overblown. They're salt of the earth people up here."
"Hi Kevin. Please come play for us. You can live with me if you want until you find a place. Well, me and my mom. You sure do have a pretty jump shot and smile."
"Next!"
"Come back to Texas Kevin. You're from here. We're winners. I'm the best coach in the NBA. Join us."
"That all sounds good Pop. With LaMarcus there, will I play more 4 with him at the 5?"
"YOU WILL PLAY WHERE I TELL YOU!!!"
"Whoah Pop. What's wrong? I just want some input."
"Let me go! I'm going to punch him in his stupid free agent mouth!"
"(Ducking) Next."
"Can we have a meeting?"
"No."
"What about us?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"But Kevin, we have this cutting edge offense I like to call 'the triangle". It will mean you rarely have the ball."
"Why was that sad, confused old man talking to me?"
"Look at these rings. Look at this hair. You're getting sleepy. Now repeat after me, you're coming to the Heat."
"Aren't all your best players like 35?"
"Haven't you ever been to South Beach?"
"Hi Kevin!"
"Focus Kevin! Focus! Next. Wait...is that it?"
"We could play together again and..."
"Oh hell no."
"Hello? Hello. I'm looking for my teammate."
"Man, all these other teams are here. If this is where it has to happen, then this is where it has to happen."
"I'm not letting you get rid of me. How about that?"
"I know I shoot too much. I know that. I make some really poor decisions and won't stop shooting 3s no matter what....But in the playoffs, our team had a very big run. A very, very big run. But it wouldn't have been complete. Wouldn't have been in the same vicinity as complete without being able to share it with you."
"I miss you. I miss my KD. We live in a cynical world, a cynical world. And we play in a business of tough competitors. I love playing basketball with you. You -- complete me. And I just had..."
"Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at hello."
